...of accountants...

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Posted by: ahboy_agan Original: 12/15/2007 9:27 AM Views: 150 Comments: 1 eProps: 2 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Saturday, December 15, 2007

A conversation came up recently about accountants again.. (no pun intended) .....and i remembered this really hilarious article in one of zhungyi's posts....so for accountants...laugh and enjoy..all the rest of you suckers.......too bad...if it offends you or is an offense to read in your culture/legal jurisdiciton please shut the browser =)

Well firstly, we hold your financial worth in our hands. Piss us off and we'll make it all go away. Reward us and we'll treat you nicely. Why do I say that? Well what drives the economy? Besides supply & demand? Double-entry accounting! Every single company on this planet has to have an accounting system set up. Think of the countless accounts clerks and accountants that litter the offices of every single company in the world. They are the sole people responsible for ensuring that all accounting entries are in check. With increasing legislation and reporting requirements, it is important now more than ever that the accounts are kept in check and are correct. Here is where accountants can make or break a company. Underpaid and overworked? They can create errors that most people will only discover after the year end, when said accountant is languishing on a beach somewhere snickering at his former company.

Need to cook your books? Accountants come into play once again. We can find ways to hide that huge debt you just incurred or to boost profits by 200%. Just tell us to do it and its done. Of course you have to pay us enough for our efforts. Our mastery of the accounting universe is so vast that our tricks and adjustments are often not even detected by auditors, all thanks to the 3 grueling years of accounting theory that we had to study. Think back to Enron and WorldCom and all those big companies that went bankrupt. Sure it was the top management that ordered the books to be cooked..but who do you think did all the cooking? Thats right...the humble and lower-paid accountant. He was the one that came up with all the ingenious ideas that hid all that debt and made the company seem so prosperous. Don't hate us for it..we were paid and told to do it. Such is life. I mean face it...when your job is to count money and account for it, you tend to get attached to it.

Okay so you don't own a company...that doesn't mean we don't control your financial life. You know those tax agents that file your tax forms for you? Who do you think they really are? That's right...accountants. So you can run from us now...but sooner or later, we'll account for you. If you're nice to us, we can suggest a million ways to reduce your tax. I won't go into details for fear of confusing you, and also to keep our well-kept secrets from non-accountants. Treat us harshly and we can just tell you that you can't claim that $5,000 tax deduction because of 'double reporting', when in fact you can, and should. We can also report your tax faults...that new home that you recently sold but never stayed in, although you claimed you did? Bye bye capital gain. Hello capital gains tax.

How about those financial planners and advisors? Yeap..accountants too. We control your wealth for the next 50 years. So if we feel like it, we could invest your retirement fund in high-risk bonds, and when you lose everything, just attribute it to the bad economy. Devious, no? All this power and control over money has turned the humble and geeky accountant into a multi-faceted corporate machine, whether he's accounting for a multi-national company, or just filing tax returns for the local residents. We have evolved into a power hungry and snobbish race that believe we hold Lordship over the accounting universe. We think that we are the sole guardians of the double-entry system, and that no else should be allowed to touch the account books, for fear of destroying the precious balance between legality and corruption.

xd

Posted 12/15/2007 9:27 AM - 150 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment

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1 Comment

Hello Ahboy,
You made your site simple yet elegant but I see that you don’t write here much anymore!
I want to help people to really get to know God and His plans, especially in these troubled times: 31 We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will. (John 9:31) (NIV)

Posted 12/14/2008 6:34 AM by The_True_Path